If we wrote Quran/Bible/Gita....

compiled and collected by Avijit Roy & Ashraful Alam

Just thinking last night, if we atheists/freethinkers wrote Quran/hadith/Gita/bible .... what would the verses look like ??? May be here are some samples .....

"Jesus could not have been my son I was out of my home that night" --God (Psalm 90.2.1)

"I *LOVE you (unless you are : atheist -secular Muslims - rationalists -Hindus, Christian - Jews -crossdresser or working class"- Allah (sura Allovara 22:35)

"Though shalt not kill, except in the name of me (God)" --- God

"When you call me (God), line will never be busy (only 3.99$ + no internet charge)" --God

"Love thy neighbor of other religion, but relentlessly persecute if theydon't accept that your religion is greater .." - God.

"I created Brahmins from head and Shudras from leg to prove that I don't believe in caste system" - Brohmma (Vedas !)

"I always send bears to devour children who tease prophet and make earthquake in Gujraat or make flood in Bangladesh to kill poor people to test their morality.... It's a real fun :-)" -- God.

"I discriminated womankind in terms of inheritance and testimony to prove that women are just equal to men in my eyes" - Allah (sura 12:12)

“And what is in your right hand, O Moses. And Moses replied “your balls” ” –Al XX

Moses said: “O Aron! What prevented you when you saw them going astray” He said: “O brother! Forgive me. It’s the belly-dance”” – Al XXX

“O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah has a drilling machine.” –Al wondera

“Verily, those who annoy His Messenger by asking him how come he has married 13 times, which is an unlucky number, Allah has cursed them in this world, and in the Hereafter” – Bani Troubla

“Glorified is your Lord, the Lord of Honor and Power! Though he’s forgotten arrogance is evil” – Al Lapse of Reasona

“Verily, it (Hell) throws sparks (huge) as Al-Qasr. If you hath that technology in Bangladesh, you wouldn’t have to suffer from load-shedding. Your all-mighty is ever so prudent.” – Al Sparka

“Verily, those who believe and do righteous deeds, for them there will be Gardens under which rivers flow. But there would arise political conflict with neighboring Gardens, who would stop the flow.” -Ah-ha

“Read! In the Name of your Lord Who has created all that exists. Bismillahi Rahmanir Rahim – Satan is Great.” –Al-Iblisun

“They will recline (with ease) on thrones arranged in ranks. And We shall marry them to Hur with wide lovely eyes. What? Naomi Campbell? No no. Shut up” – Al-no-fashion-modela

“On the Day(of Judgement) when the heaven will shake with a dreadful shaking, you wouldn’t have to shake your orange juice to evenly distribute the peels.” –Al Utility-ta

"And if ye are in doubt as to what We have compiled from time to time to Our
servant, then produce a Sura like thereunto (mukto-mona Quran-Bible-Gita); and call your witnesses or helpers (If there are any) besides God, if your (doubts)
are true.

But if ye cannot - and of a surety ye cannot - then fear the Fire whose fuel
is men and stones,- which is prepared for those who reject Faith (in
non-existance of god)."